I’m getting all settled into married life and this journey of sharing. While I have been in previous relationships and shared a home with past beaus, there were still some sense of separation as it pertained to finances. I have only child syndrome and if I’m honest, not all the way there when it comes to sharing LOL!
Being married for the first time, I’m learning that I have to share…my feelings, my thoughts, my doubts, my fears, my time, my everything. Now, I’m not complaining because it’s great having that support. I’m just saying that it’s new and it’s taking some getting used to. I’m now realizing that someone signed up to be with me for life and I essentially pulled him into my financial mess.
I’m gonna get very transparent here…the month of August whooped our asses…mentally, physically, and financially!!! I make a good living, but I have a lot of bills…grown lady bills that include a hefty amount of student loan debt, so it feels like I make almost no money at all. Now that I’m having to share finances, #NewOldBae and I are sitting down to discuss our future. He’s 51 and I’m 46…we’d like to retire happy, financially fit, and young enough to enjoy the remainder of our lives.
Unless you control your money, making more won’t help. You’ll just have bigger payments. – Dave Ramsey
I made a lot of mistakes as a young lady doing well in my career, with money to spend. Borrowing from my 401k, cashing it out when I was unemployed (it came in handy, but I wish I would have only taken a percentage and rolled over the rest when I gained new employment), refinancing my home to pull cash out, purchasing a new car when my old car was fine, and using credit cards irresponsibly. It’s amazing how one event can make you question your whole financial situation!
#NewOldBae and I was looking to have a little fun and walked into our bedroom, only to find that it was literally raining out of the ceiling!! I went into full panic mode. Knowing that when I had my HVAC system installed (I have an old home that had window A/C units when I moved in), all the equipment and duct work was put in the attic. I immediately turned off the power to the unit. As I looked around our bedroom, there was water on the walls, at the bottom of the bed, soaked in my area rug, and on the television. I looked at #NewOldBae and tears began to form and then pour heavily. I made three calls: one to the guy that installed the unit (he didn’t answer), one to another guy that has his own HVAC servicing business, then to my mom to see if I could come get an oscillating fan to borrow for the night since I had cut off the unit (temperature in Atlanta was 91 degrees at the time, so you can imagine what it was about to be in the house with no A/C). Once that was done, all I could do was cry into #NewOldBae’s arms. It was not just a few tears; I’m talking a heavy cry that included mucus and all!! I immediately went down the rabbit hole of everything that could possibly go wrong and how much money it could cost us. Knowing that another big expense could pretty much ruin any savings that I had managed to protect, I felt like I had failed not only myself, but us as a couple.
There is no my money, his money or her money in a successful marriage. Regardless of who does or doesn’t work or who brings the most money; the successfully married pool their money together, plan together, budget together, tithe together, give together, spend together and save together. – Isaac Kubvoruno
Let me say this, #NewOldBae had never seen me cry like this. I’ve always been super strong. But he’s now my husband and allowing myself to be vulnerable with him has been empowering. However, understanding where the tears and panic was coming from was a whole new thing for me…I felt so broken, and this time had no resolution in mind for how to handle the situation. I told him through my tears that I couldn’t believe that I had allowed him to marry me with all of the stress that my past financial mishaps had caused. He immediately calmed me down and let me know that marrying me was the best decision he’s ever made and together, we would be okay. When I tell you that man is my peace…
You can’t get out of debt while keeping the same lifestyle that got you there. – Dave Ramsey
I talked about getting financially healthy in one of my previous posts and this is where it gets real. Putting it all on paper was a huge and embarrassing step, but much needed in order to start setting the groundwork for our future. Making sure that we’re paying down debt, not creating new debt, and making smart investments is the key to rebounding – and rebounding successfully.
You know…there are times of the year when I feel like financially, I’m doing ok and then there are moments when I feel like the bottom is falling from under me. It was like I was on one of those rides at the fair when they spin you very fast and the bottom disappears! There was literally no bottom!!! When the bottom did finally reappear, #NewOldBae was right there beside me, consoling me and ready to make beneficial changes that would put us back in a good place financially - and for me - mentally.
Something on Netflix (I can’t remember what I was watching) was playing in the background the other day and a line that was said really stood out to me…“Wealth is not something you show, it’s something you build”. As I was on the Kate Spade website looking for a new purse, I closed the website and realized that I really don’t need another bag, I want another bag. I know this new habit of not spending carelessly isn't going to be easy, but I’m up for the challenge. In working on changing my mentality and relationship with money, I’ve started doing some things that will hopefully prove fruitful in the long run.
Cooking more at home. Even when it was just me, I could do $300 a month easy on Uber Eats alone. That’s not including the times that me and the girls did brunch, dinner or other outings several times a month. Now that it’s two of us, cooking is the better and cheaper way to go. We still eat out and have date night, but that’s once a week compared to doing that AND the Uber Eats during the week. And, on top of that, I've fallen in love cooking and coming up with new recipes that we enjoy, so it's been a win-win!
Being intentional when shopping for groceries, household items, and toiletries. We can spend just about $175 - $250 every two weeks on groceries (if we don’t go to the store when we’re hungry LOL!). I do BJs for items I can store like toilet paper, paper towels, paper plates (I hate doing dishes LOL!), laundry detergent, chicken (separate and freeze), beef, rice, etc. I do Amazon for things that I can get in bulk for cheaper like body wash, face astringent and wash, deodorant, toothpaste, bathroom cleaner etc. Those items are items I only have to buy maybe every three months.
Evaluating my streaming and other subscriptions. This is a biggie that I never saw coming! I cut the cord over a year ago and use YouTube TV. The price has gone up twice since subscribing, but I like the service since I need my local channels. After writing everything down, I realized that I also had Max, Starz, Disney+, BET+ and others that I was paying for separately. The total cost was almost equal to what I was paying for my monthly cable bill (including internet). I was looking to save money, but in the end almost ended up spending more. I looked for ways to combine services based on what was offered through YouTube TV. This is still a work in progress, but I’m definitely looking forward to seeing the savings. The one thing I won’t bend on is my Amazon Prime account LOL!!!
Setting up a budget within my banking app. So, my bank has a feature where I can set up monthly spending for different categories, such as Household, Entertainment, Insurance, etc. I have set up spending thresholds for each of my categories and will get an alert when I’m near or over the budget for the month. After setting it up, it allowed me a look into the previous year and I don’t know how we made it! The spending was always over the incoming funds…in the red each month. God has really had his hands on us!!
Using my paycheck contributions, so that there’s less taxable income. I contribute as much as I possibly can to my pre-tax 401k and HSA accounts through my employer. Yes, money is still being spent, but they take the money before tax is calculated. So, there’s less income that I’m actually taxed on, it builds my retirement savings and helps me so that I’m not paying out of pocket during the year for medical expenses that insurance doesn’t cover.
I’m not living large; I just want to live comfortably. I wanna have financial stability that is unshakable. - Queen Latifah
I know this is not much, but it’s a start. I made a promise to God that if he guided me out of this, I would not put myself back in that situation and I aim to keep it! At the end of the day, I just want to live comfortably on our terms, without the worry of money.
If you have any feedback or tips on how you’re saving and managing finances with all of this inflation, I’d love to hear from you.
Until next time…thanks for listening!
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