The dust has settled…Mom’s 70th birthday celebration and #NewOldBae and I’s wedding has come and gone!!! And…I’m still tired LOL!! But no complaints here as everyone involved in both events had an awesome time and I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time. Now that things are settling down, I’m looking forward to getting back to Wine & Gossip!!
So, over the Memorial Day weekend, #NewOldBae and I finally took the time to unpack and organize all of the gifts that we received (mostly kitchen gadgets as I lean more in my love for cooking). As we sat there to look through gifts, I was scrolling through Netflix (yes, I still have my account despite the constant rise in fees…that’s a whole nother story!!) and was so excited to see that there was a new season of Sex/Life available to watch. I so loved this show from the beginning and the new season proved to be right on par with what they offered the first season. The whole season was about love coming back in the form of an ex-lover who, for one reason or another, exited their lives but had a huge impact on the way they handled their future loves. While they focused on the main character of Billie and her lost love Brad in the first season, the second season revealed that her free-loving, independent friend Sasha, had a Brad as well…in the form of Kam.
This season touched my heart as the stories are almost identical to how #NewOldBae and I got to this day. This second go round has been the best round as it was for both female characters in Sex/Life...and it had a lot to do with growth. For Sasha, that meant leaning into her femininity, something that she avoided talking about in her career of writing and advocating for super independent women. I have definitely been Sasha in the past, but at this stage of my life, I wanted more. What happens when you have the life you think you've always dreamed of, but that someone comes and shows you more?
In one of my previous posts, The Ex-Factor, I talked a bit about how #NewOldBae and I had got back together, but now I’d like to tell you a little about our whirlwind reconnection that led to marriage and how it’s helping recharge the femininity in me.
As a young woman, I liked men with…let’s just say…edge and #NewOldBae had plenty of it LOL! But I fell in love with the way he treated me, which was so different from the way he lived his life. I seemed to bring out the sensitive in him and he, the femininity in me. We would’ve been married back in 2001 if not for his love of the street life. That secondary love of fast living was detrimental to the way I lived my life, so I decided to end our relationship and he ended back up in prison. After we broke up, I often thought about him over the years, but I had to move on.
As I moved on to relationships that became life lessons, I was teaching myself how to love differently…and not necessarily in a good way. I learned more about myself over the years and what I wanted and needed in my relationships (romantic, platonic, personal, and professional) and realized that I am a beta female (you could not tell me I wasn’t an alpha female LOL!!) and oftentimes dated men who were not in-tuned with their masculine energy. In which case, I ended up having to be masculine for us both and throughout the years lost a lot of MY feminine energy.
“I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femaleness and my femininity. And I want to be respected in all of my femaleness because I deserve to be.” - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
I realized that I wanted to be chased and desired. At the end of the day, I’m pretty traditional when it comes to romantic relationships. I wanted someone that was ready to commit and understood what that commitment would entail. Dating apps were not working and I was not getting what I wanted from the random dates that I had gone on. Sidebar: What would piss me off the most was when a guy would ask me what I brought to the table. Ugggh...drove me crazy. If I didn't immediately get up and leave, I'd flip the question and ask why he wanted to know...was his table broken and/or not in order? Ladies, if you get this question on a first date...run!!!! Okay...back to me, just had to get that off of my chest!!
I needed someone that shared the same love languages, a hopeless romantic, and an excellent communicator. I wanted to be a priority and not an option. With me, it’s the little things that count. I had been making the first move, planning (and sometimes paying for) dates and vacations, buying gifts, making sure things kept moving in the household as it pertained to finances, and taking care of everyone but myself. Over the years, I had pushed my needs to the side and forgotten all about me…until #NewOldBae re-entered my life.
Let me just say my husband has been very patient with me. It’s not been an easy transition getting back to my femininity. Although I had started the journey before he made his way back into my life, I still had (and still have) some work to do.
“Authentic femininity is a combination of class, tenderness and virtue. When a woman possesses these traits, a man will naturally want to be more of a gentleman around her.” - Jason Evert
Being a strong, black, independent woman is over-rated and if I’m being totally honest…this chick was tired of having to carry it all. I don’t want to have to take my own trash out, worry about my car, plan all the dates, budget alone, hell….I just don’t wanna!!!! I did it in the past, cause I had to. Although, he has to remind me sometimes that he’s here and we’re a team, it’s been the little things that he’s done (like I said...they count!). Like when I get home from work or anywhere for that matter, I get a foot rub. It doesn’t matter that I sit all day. I get escorted to the car every morning as I’m leaving for work. He carries my bags and tucks me into the car safely. He does the same when I get home. He encourages me to get healthy…we go to the gym at 5:00 a.m. when he gets home from work (I have NO idea where he gets his energy from!). He pushes me to write, even when I'm tired, out of ideas, or I feel that no one is reading my posts and encourages me to keep going in spite of. I just feel so loved, supported, cherished and most of all…desired and respected for the woman that I am.
“Femininity is a strength, not a weakness. I want women to feel empowered without giving up their femininity.” - Catherine Malandrino
As I continue to thrive in my renewed femininity, I feel free to speak my mind without recourse, and at the same time be open to receiving…help when I need it, compliments because I need to hear them, gifts when he buys them, and pampering because it’s something that HE wants to do for ME.
“A girl should be two things: who and what she wants.” - Coco Chanel
There are no pretenses with us. He’s a sigma male and I understand, respect, and love him for exactly who he is. We live in total peace, love on each other daily, and enjoy the life that we are creating together. While our union was not accepted by all, I did what I felt was best for me. I've wasted enough time worried about what others think. I realized that I was looking for someone that would provide me the best life experience with what God has gifted us and I have that. It's been the best decision that I've made in a long time with respect to my love life. Now we’re not perfect by any means, but we’re perfect for each other.
If you’re in a relationship, how are you embracing your feminine energy? I’d love to know, so add some comments if you’re willing to share.
Until next time…thanks for listening!!
Comments